corona diaries: good kinds of crazy

Well, these are certainly crazy days! There’s the disheartening crazy. Headlines driving fear and panic. People stockpiling as if our country is running out of food and toilet paper. Social media spreading false information and just plain thoughtlessness. It’s too easy to get sucked into the chaos. Like five minutes of scrolling through a newsfeed easy.

There’s also the day to day real life crazy. There’s the anxiety and loneliness that comes with social distancing. The claustrophobia of sheltering in place. The ever present truth that we’re living through a pandemic. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with feelings of frustration, fear, and helplessness.

Somewhere in the middle of all of this craziness though, is the good kind of crazy. Neighbors leaving groceries on doorsteps. Zoom meetings with colleagues. Live streaming gym classes. Finding a grocery store where you don’t have to wait in line and that has fresh produce. Hearing an elderly woman shout “praise Jesus, hallelujah” as she purchases toilet paper at Walgreens. Online book clubs with your favorite lady bosses. Resources from your children’s teachers that make learning fun and accessible. Attending church on facebook live. Companies like Google Fiber donating to Austin ISD’s meal fund for students and their families. A calm and steadfast husband who creates the perfect happy hour in the late afternoons. I’m so thankful for all such small acts of love and endurance. Like crazy thankful.

Still, these day aren’t easy, and I know my family is beyond privileged during these crazy times. We get to work from home. We get to cook comforting meals. We don’t have to worry about our physical or mental needs being met. I can’t even begin to imagine the real fear and uncertainty that too many in our communities are suffering through now. When I sit across the table from my daughter, as we journal about our goals and what we’re grateful for in the midst of this pandemic, I feel so many conflicting things. Gratitude. Guilt. Safety. Anxiety. Love. It’s a daily emotional roller coaster.

It’s also a daily, by the minute battle with my mind to focus on the good crazy rather than the bad. To check in with friends and family, rather than allow myself to become upset by an inane post or headline. To pray rather than panic. I’ve gone back to Daniel this week, because that was a man committed to purposeful prayer. His faithful preparation to persevere in prayer until God’s promises were claimed has been tugging at me. I pray a lot. Usually for myself, my family, my friends. It’s all centered on “my” though, and committing to pray for our leaders and our communities has been heavy on my heart. I’m honestly really terrible about praying for our government, mainly because I’m so upset by our leaders most of the time. But I don’t think Daniel was crazy about his government leaders either. So this week I’ll be over here trying to persevere in praying with boldness, cooking, eating, hopefully exercising, and having a glass of wine while “homeschooling.”

What are some things y’all have been doing to keep busy? Anyone have a recipe to share? I made a roasted tomato white bean stew on Monday and it was sooooooo good. Full disclosure: the store was out of white beans so I subbed pinto, which worked beautifully. The store was also out of garlic, so I used garlic powder. Did I mention it was soooooo good? And easy. I hope you all stay well and have good kinds of crazy this week!

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